Focus on Growth in Relationships

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Our mindset influences how we view the world and perceive our own abilities, and as a result, it can influence our beliefs and behaviors. Dr. Carol Dweck has highlighted the differences between holding a growth or fixed mindset and has conducted research on how mindset can influence our choices and actions (Dweck, 2006). Those who have a fixed mindset view ability as set in stone, whereas those with a growth mindset believe that abilities can be strengthened over time. Their belief is that skills are malleable.

Dweck (2006) shared that people who have a fixed mindset are focused on the outcome of tasks, in that if they fail, their time and energy have been wasted. Those who maintain a growth mindset, on the other hand, value the process and learn from the tasks they engage in. With a growth mindset, people acquire new skills through the challenges they embark on and actively engage in their experiences and relationships.

Mindset and Relationships

Our mindset can influence the way in which we approach relationships. Research has shown that people who hold growth beliefs are more tolerant when it comes to discrepancies between their actual partner and the idealized version they hold of their partner (Knee et al., 2001). This means that when confronted by the reality and challenges of relationships, those with a growth mindset are more likely to acknowledge and accept the perceived shortcomings of their partners, work to improve them, and remain satisfied with the relationship (Knee et al., 2001). As a result, those with growth mindsets are more likely to work on their relationships in the face of difficulty, as they believe in change and improvement. Those who have a fixed mindset, when faced with challenges, believe that it is time to throw in the towel and declare the relationship a failure.

Researchers Shashwati and Kansal (2019) conducted a study with 30 participants between the ages of 18 and 50 to determine the effect of mindset on relationships. Participants took a series of surveys to assess their relationship satisfaction, growth and destiny beliefs, and anxiety faced in relationships; they also submitted a narrative in which they recounted their journey in love. The researchers found that participants who had growth mindsets derived greater satisfaction from their relationships and were less sensitive to rejection. Their narratives backed up the quantitative results, as respondents reported learning from the challenges they faced with their partners.

The Application

While it can be difficult to challenge your mindset, remember that there is a continuum that exists between fixed and growth perspectives. By being aware of your thinking, you can make a concerted effort to shift in the direction of adopting a growth mindset. In order to do this, it is helpful to acknowledge and celebrate growth. Recognize change within the relationship and share improvements with your partner. When stuck in a fixed frame of mind, think of exceptions to that perceived rule and recount times in which you were able to improve a skill with hard work and effort. This can make you more open the adopting a growth framework.

Being aware of and adapting your mindset can lead to a positive shift in your relationship, as well as overall growth.