Having Fun Together Is a Key to Relationship Satisfaction

Source: Pexels/Liza Summer

The Gottman Institute spends a lot of time researching what makes couples succeed. One thing they find consistently that couples that report higher relationship satisfaction also report making more time to have fun together. All of the stresses that a couple faces, like parenting, budgeting, and conflict management, need to be balanced by doing fun things together. When you make time for enjoyment and recreation together it can strengthen your connection and build positive perspective in your relationship. Positive perspective is when you are able to see your partner in a positive way and feel more optimistic about the future of your relationship. It’s easier to be in that perspective when you are enjoying time with your partner for a few hours a week. A date night is a great way to have fun together but smaller daily activities aid with this goal, too. More structured rituals of connection, like celebrating birthdays and vacationing together, count toward having fun together as well.

How to make time for more fun

When setting a goal it’s always important to make sure it's specific and measurable. Decide with your partner how much time you have daily, weekly, or monthly to do something fun together. Decide when you will set the time, such as on the weekends or in the evenings, and come up with some things you want to do. You can also get creative and double up on things you already do to make it fun. For example, if you go to the gym together, turn it into a game to make it more fun. Maybe every 10 minutes, you exchange a dramatic kiss. If you grocery shop or do chores together, find a way to incorporate fun like competing in car karaoke or playing I Spy. For date nights, I always suggest couples take turns planning fun activities. Perhaps once a month you can each pick a new activity to try together. Another great idea is to start by making a list of all the things you already do together where you have a good time. You can use the list for inspiration for how to squeeze in more fun together.

Some ideas for how to have fun together:

• Enjoy meals together
• Go out for coffee
• Watch a show together weekly
• Play a game together
• Put some music on while you cook together
• Take a walk together
• Plan a vacation
• Take a class together
• Try a new restaurant
• Pick out a new outfit for each other
• Put date ideas in a jar and pick one out each week
• Go to a wine tasting together
• Recreate your first date
• Dance to your favorite songs
• Go on a group date with friends
• Spend time with family
• Draw portraits of each other
• Go for a drive to check out a new area

There are no rules about what constitutes having fun. Whatever you enjoy doing together that creates a positive experience counts. Laughing, smiling, and feeling connected are good indicators that what you are doing is working. If you feel your conflicts are making it too hard to engage in fun activities together you might benefit from seeing a qualified couples therapist. It is normal for couples whose connection has been damaged to struggle with having fun together. You may need to work through some of the conflict before you feel ready to enjoy time together, as being able to create and have fun together requires a base level of connection and safety in the relationship.