Some Great Reasons to Make Amends

Those who have experienced 12-step recovery will be familiar with step 9, which involves the making of amends to anyone whom we have harmed in the past.

This is usually pursued by alcoholics and addicts in recovery as a necessary part of healing relationships damaged because of their past substance use.

In that context, making amends is one step on a long and comprehensive path of spiritual growth and change. But it is more than that. Making amends can hold many benefits beyond merely helping people stay sober and can be applied by anyone.

Dictionary definitions for the word amends include concepts of recompense, reparation, and compensation. Amends are more than just feeling sorry; but lead us to words and actions that demonstrate true sorrow and remorse for harm caused to another.

This can be difficult for us to do for several reasons.

• We may justify our past behaviors and are not ready to take full responsibility for the part we played in damaging our relationships.
• We may recognize that we owe someone amends but be still angry about their actions toward us. Even if we admit our wrongs, we might not be ready to approach them if we expect amends in return.
• We may not be fully ready to change the defects of character that led to our harmful past conduct. This creates a risk that our attempt to make amends could inadvertently cause further harm.

The purpose of amends is healing for ourselves and those who have been harmed by us.

Those who have pursued this step of growth and change, in 12-step recovery or otherwise, can testify to its benefits. Here are a few:

• Reconciliation and restored relationship. Even relationships that have been steeped in mutual anger and resentment for years can be made whole again by the humble act of acknowledging past hurts and taking full responsibility for our part in the rupture of the relationship.
• Freedom of conscience. Admitting our faults and taking action to repair past damage can free us from the guilt and shame that has weighed us down. Receiving forgiveness can be cleansing.
• Understanding. Sometimes, when making amends, we learn that the other person does not recall feeling harmed by us and is surprised to receive our amends. Or, they may be relieved to hear from us. There may be questions to be asked and answered. In any case, the encounter can build understanding for both parties.
• Affirmation. The person to whom we make amends may affirm the value of the relationship between us and appreciate the opportunity to reconnect and revisit good memories.
• Helping others get free. Sometimes, when we take the first step in offering amends to another, that person makes amends in return and also receives the benefits.
• A new perspective on past and present. Making amends can open up rich, substantive conversations about past experiences that bring insight and perspective valuable to both parties for their present lives.

Each story is unique, and the benefits of making amends may have other variations and permutations. But in each case, there are good reasons to gather our courage and approach people with sincere words and actions that recompense past wrongs.

When we do so, we may discover treasures of reconciliation, forgiveness, affirmation, perspective, and, best of all, freedom in our souls.