Ditch Online Comparisons and Boost Mental Well-Being

Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” And most of us can agree that when it comes to comparison on social media, it truly is.

You’ve likely had an experience where you were going about your day, feeling somewhat pleasant and then you start scrolling. Soon, you notice that you’re thinking you don’t have enough friends, aren’t progressing in your life quickly enough, or that your apartment needs a complete makeover. What happened? Why did you go from feeling pleasant to feeling jealous, lonely, dejected, or unworthy?

Upward versus downward comparison

It’s natural for humans to compare themselves to one another and sometimes we benefit from upward comparison (comparing ourselves to those who appear to be doing better in life than us), while other times we might benefit from downward comparison (comparing ourselves to those who doing less better). For example, upward comparison is helpful for inspiration and motivation and downward comparison can be beneficial when we need a dose of gratitude for how good we have it.

Before social media, our comparisons came from in-person interactions with colleagues, roommates, friends, and family members. We knew them in a more three-dimensional and dynamic way; even if we found ourselves in an upward comparison, we also knew some of the things in their life that weren’t so wonderful. This knowledge gave us a bit of freedom from the comparison since we knew firsthand all of the imperfections that existed. In contrast, many of today’s comparisons come from online observations of people we might not truly know. We see their curated images and carefully crafted captions. We end up comparing ourselves to a version of them that likely doesn’t even exist.

A 2014 study that focused only on college students and FaceBook found that when these young adults engaged in upward comparison on social media, their self-esteem dropped significantly (Vogel and colleagues, 2014). When college students saw someone online who they felt was more attractive, healthier, or had more virtual likes, comments, and followers, their view of themselves and their lives plummeted.

Let that sink in for a moment.

Nothing about these college students changed. They were the same people before viewing online profiles and posts and they were the same people after. They had the same achievements, successes, and goals. What changed was their perception of themselves, which they based solely on what they viewed online. On someone’s carefully curated highlight reel.

You could be feeling so proud of the promotion you just earned and like you’re totally on track for your goals and then boom. You see a post of someone you went to high school with who just landed a job with a way more impressive title than your promotion. You’re deflated and start thinking that your promotion is a waste of time and that you shouldn't even celebrate it.

Get Out of the Comparison Loop

• Notice when you’re in it. This might mean doing a quick check-in with how you’re feeling before you start scrolling or before you hang out with your friends. Because you’re aware of how you’re feeling, you’ll be better able to recognize the change in feelings when they occur.

• Label it for what it is. Labeling our emotions as jealousy, envy, disappointment, or frustration helps our brains create a bit of space between feeling and action. We become less reactive to intense emotions.

• Feelings aren’t facts. Just because we feel like someone else has it so much better than us doesn’t mean it’s true.

• Pause and reflect. Ask yourself why this particular person or situation is creating such strong feelings for you. Do they have something you want? What can you learn from the situation? Are you being influenced by societal expectations rather than what’s aligned with your values? Do you truly want to change course?
• A state of gratitude. Our brains change immediately when we feel gratitude. Notice what’s going right in your life and focus on the things you have (not on what you don’t). Think about an old version of yourself and write down how far you’ve come.

Comparison, while a thief, is a normal part of life. It doesn’t mean you’re broken, that you’ve screwed up, or that you’re off track. But if you find that you’re constantly comparing yourself to others and that you just can’t get out of the loop no matter how hard you try, you’d likely benefit from some additional support. It doesn’t have to be this way. Reach out to a psychologist or therapist to create long-lasting change.