How to Appreciate the Healing Power of Sadness

Sadness / Disney Wiki / Fandom

I’m eagerly anticipating the sequel to Inside Out, which is rumored to be released within the next year or two. I loved the original because it gave a rationale for the value of every feeling, positive and negative. Inside Out depicts the story of 11-year-old Riley, whose parents moved the family to a different state, forcing her to start over, make new friends, and join a new hockey team.

We watch Riley experience the full range of emotions, with Anger taking the lead for much of the movie, suppressing Fear and Sadness. Joy attempts to prevail, but her efforts are thwarted, and her presence is often superficial. As a mental health professional, I thought this movie brilliantly portrayed the importance of each emotion and the misguided efforts of Anger to take control of the situation.

Sadness finally gets her point across toward the end of the movie, when she provides insight into why it’s important to reflect, why sadness must be felt, and why joy can only genuinely manifest when other emotions are allowed to exist. We often think of the other emotions as inconvenient, unnecessary, and unwanted. But they all have a purpose.

Fear protects us from situations that may cause us harm or get us into trouble. But when these feelings become too intense or persistent, people avoid doing things that they need to do.

Joy lets us celebrate and be grateful. But when we try to force joy to be present, this emotion can be short-lived and feel unsatisfying.

Anger defends us and can empower us to seek justice. It’s a very important emotion, but used too often or incorrectly, we become irrational, emotionally reactive, and impulsive. Uncontrolled anger can lead to bad decisions that we regret and actions that damage our relationships.

People seem to find purpose for these three emotions, whether or not they always use them well. Sadness is everyone’s least favorite, but sadness is an important emotion that must be experienced outwardly and not suppressed. I’m not suggesting that prolonged sadness, which can lead to depression and hopelessness, is the goal. Rather, allowing ourselves to be sad when something bad happens—when we lose a loved one, when we experience rejection, or when we feel lonely—can give us insight into our desires and our needs. We must acknowledge that we feel sad and even allow ourselves to shed tears, which is part of the healing process. While neither glamorous nor fun, shedding tears provides a release that helps heal our body and our brain from sadness, disappointment, and grief.

Here are four tips for allowing yourself to be sad in healthy ways:

1. Keep a journal and write entries when you feel sad. Reflect on what you are sad about, and describe how you feel. Write about what has happened that has led to your feeling. It doesn’t have to be a long narrative; it can even be bullet points. But it documents that you allowed yourself to be sad, and you can reflect on it later, when you feel differently.
2. If you’re not a journal person, or you don’t enjoy writing, create a playlist of music that elicits sadness. Maybe it’s songs about a broken heart that you can listen to when a relationship has ended. Or you can listen to a song about missing someone who has died or is no longer in your life when you are grieving. Music can be a powerful healing tool.
3. Set aside time to reflect on experiences that may evoke sadness. If you tend to be someone who tries to distract yourself when you feel sad, resist the temptation. Take a few minutes to sit with this feeling and remember that all emotions are temporary, but it’s important for every emotion to be acknowledged. Mindful acceptance of all emotions facilitates a healthier healing process.
4. If you’re tired of being sad, and you have felt this way for a while without relief, consider talking to a therapist. This will give you a safe space to share your feelings and to process why they persist.

Our modern culture often sends false messages that we are not supposed to be sad, and if we do experience sadness, there is something wrong with us. We must be depressed. But sadness is not depression. Sadness is acknowledging that we are feeling the loss of something. So, allow yourself to feel sad, and ironically, it will eventually lead to acceptance, resilience, and hope for the future.

To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.